Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Start as you mean to go on.....

The problem is that I want to do this now.

I have reached a point in my career that I am ready to move on. However, having the job that I have, and working for the government, you cannot easily make that change. The Federal Retirement system issues must be considered. Age is a consideration. I have what I term as a “golden handcuff” and I can’t just walk away now.

However, I am done. I just do not want to work 50 hours a week anymore. Add in the commute, and you now have 60 hours. I don’t want to go to work in the morning. And after what happened yesterday in court, I thought to myself, I am too old to have to put up with this crap anymore. And I just don’t want to!

So the problem for me right now, is amassing any type of desire to go to work and finish this. The 300 or so days left, or 440 or so days if I wait until the boys are out for the summer in 2009, seems like a never-ending task that I do not want to perform. And it makes me tired, and short-tempered, and I miss things that I should do. Little niceties for people that make you a good friend.

And I wonder if that is poring over into my knitting. Lately I need to get things organized and off the needles. Working on the yarn room. I don’t want to buy any more yarn because of what I know is in the yarn room that needs to be started, is a WIP or needs finishing. And I get that feeling of knitting to nowhere, though I did finish the little guy’s pirate hat. And the pretty things that are in there, that at one time or another were on top of the must knit now list.

And starting as I mean to go on. I want to start designing now. I have some ideas for a coat floating around my head. And ideas for a shawl. I am not a patient woman; no matter how patient I may seem to others when I teach, or take a class, or show something to a fellow knitter, and when I rip things back to fix them, or how long I will work at a project. When it comes to things that I expect for me, or if I expect someone else to do something, I want it done expeditiously. This is not a good trait when you have young children. DH calls me patience because he says I have NONE.

So, I’m not depressed or anything, I just want to escape. I want a change. See, I never got that when I passed the California or the Colorado bars, I just kept going at this job which I’ve had for almost 20 years, a job which I totally disagree with its merit system. I watched my friends go on to something new. I see my friends rewarded in their jobs and get promoted and I am happy for them. I however, just want to go, and I hate the wait.

On a side note, I did get new yarn in the post these past few days. Some sock yarn which is red, and purples, in honor of the Red Hat Society and the poem that I think goes, when I am old I will wear purple…. I have friends who would just love this yarn because of that. It made me smile when I opened the package up. (I am in a surprise sock yarn club. I don’t check the website and I just like opening up the package each month and seeing the new yarn). And I got some wool that I ordered from Montana for a Cobblestone that I will modify for DH. Beaverslide Fisherman weight. Very nice wool, and feels soft, which REALLY surprised me.

Okay, I need to work.


Quilty bird said...

Can you do some designing on the train ride? Maybe if you feel like you've already started one of your retirement projects, going to work won't be as bad?

I find that since I don't "have to" work, it is very hard to get motivated to go in. Especially on Monday mornings...

Kristina Knits said...

I agree with your comments about knitting relating to life... I find that when I'm often dissatisfied with what's going on with my life I get that way about my knitting too and generally need to work on quick, small, easy projects until things get back in balance... good luck!